Report on EFTA CONFERENCE – Athens 28 September – 1 October 2016

November 9, 2016/in Events, News /by adaly

Now that the 9^th EFTA conference is over and we have had time to recover our energies and reflect on the experience, I am writing to update you on what was a very busy and productive conference for our Irish participants.

First some background – The European Family Therapy Association (EFTA) is the European association established in 1990 as an international scientific association dedicated to linking and coordinating European national associations, individuals and institutes in the field of family therapy and systemic therapy. It has three constituent chambers National Family Therapy Organisations (NFTO), Chamber of Individual Members (CIM) and the Training Institutes Chamber (TIC). Each Chamber has an elected board of 7 members and the EFTA board is made up of all three boards. The board has a three-year term with chamber elections being conducted at the congress. Ireland, at the last congress in Istanbul in 2013, was successful in getting two FTAI members elected. I was elected to the NFTO board and have served as its chairperson for three years, Philip Kearney was elected to the TIC board and served as its secretary. We have had a strong presence and voice in the EFTA board due to the commitment and encouragement of all the current and previous NFTO and TIC representatives.

The 9^th EFTA conference was originally due to take place in the Netherlands. However, it migrated to Greece as the high costs associated with the original venue in Amsterdam would have led to a very prohibitive registration fee and put the conference out of reach for many EFTA members, trainees and students. The move to Greece and organising the conference in a shortened time frame of 9 months involved a tremendous effort from both Conference presidents: EFTA president Maria Borcsa and President of ETHOS Mina Todoulou, supported by the executive committee of EFTA of which I am a member, the organising committee which Philip Kearney and myself served on, and the scientific committees of the conference.

With the goodwill and effort of the Greek organisers, the conference was successful in attracting many participants with over 1500 registered participants from 44 countries and 5 continents. What was so encouraging was the many students and trainees that were a very visible presence at the conference. The tone of the conference was set by the sun drenched opening ceremony conduced in the Dora Stratou open air theatre and while the plenary halls were very congested for some of the keynote speakers, in general the organisation was very good.

We had eleven presenters from the island of Ireland attending and presenting at the conference. Our colleagues were involved in chairing symposiums and open forums to speaking in invited symposium and presenting their work in workshops and brief communications. The opportunity to network and make connections in the broader systemic community provided by the conference was significant both at the academic events and at the many systemic cafes and social events organised as part of the program.

The elections to the EFTA boards took place on Thursday the 29^th September at the conference. I had been nominated by FTAI as a candidate for the NFTO chamber board and Dr Valerie O’Brien was nominated by the Clanwilliam institute as a candidate for the TIC Board. Election to the boards is not an easy task – to be elected in the NFTO chamber you must gain votes from 29 other countries and in the TIC chamber election from 120 training institutes across Europe. I am delighted to report that we were both elected on to the respective boards. This was an excellent result. The NFTO board have also elected me as the chairperson for the next three years. The EFTA board elected Dr Rodolfo De Bernart to serve as the next EFTA president and now we begin the work for the next three years. I must say this continuing strong Irish presence at the centre of EFTA would not be possible without the foresight of successive FTAI boards in making the commitment to send our representatives to the EFTA meetings.

Kind regards

Monica Whyte- Chair NFTO- EFT

efta-report-to-ftai-members-november-2016

Systemic Café – Working with Transgender: individuals, couples and families

November 8, 2016/in Events, News /by adaly

SYSTEMIC CAFE

DATE FOR YOUR DIARY

Date: 21^st November 2016

Time: 7.00pm – 9.00pm

Venue: The Stephen’s Green Hibernian Club, 9, St. Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2

Parking is at half price in St. Stephen’s Green Centre and is available for as long as you want and the most you pay is €10 (i.e. it is capped at €10

Topic: “Working with Transgender: individuals, couples and families”

Speakers:

Jose Castilho, Psychotherapist

Tiffany Fitzgerald Brosnan, Outhouse- community and resource centre for LGBT people, their families and friends.

Gillian Fagan, Psychotherapist

date-for-your-diary-systemic-cafe-21st-november-2016

Systemic Café “How to make Family Therapy relevant in an individualised world”

October 12, 2016/in Events, News /by adaly

Date: 17^th October 2016

Time: 7.00pm – 9.00pm

Venue: The Stephen’s Green Hibernian Club, 9, St. Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2

Parking is at half price in St. Stephen’s Green Centre and is available for as long as you want and the most you pay is €10 (i.e. it is capped at €10)

Topic: “How to make Family Therapy relevant in an individualised world”

Speakers:

Jean Manahan CEO of ICP who will speak to us about her progress in dealing with the relevant Departments about Registration;

Aileen O’Meara Multimedia Journalist and Producer

Deirdre Hayes, a systemic psychotherapist who has lived and worked outside of

Ireland for more than 10 years, and who will offer her personal view on returning to

the Irish systemic community after this time.

Continuing Professional Development (CPD) = 2 hours. CPD certificates will be issued by the Family Therapy Assoc. of Ireland (FTAI). See you @ the Systemic Café

date-for-your-diary-systemic-cafe-17th-october-2016

#Love – 21st Century Relationships – Trish Murphy

October 5, 2016/in Articles, News /by adaly

Want sex and intimacy? You need courage and honesty

Broadside: Loss of sexual desire after the early stages can prove difficult to fix

Mon, Sep 19, 2016, , Irish Times

Trish Murphy

Perhaps sex is another area of our lives that we have to excel in and we are too exhausted or too fearful of recrimination to engage with it.

New reports from the US, the Archives of Sexual Behaviour, suggest that those born in the 1980s and 1990s are having less sex than those born in the 1960s. The fact that sex is happening less than ever, even while online dating apps such as Tinder are so widespread, is a strange dichotomy.

Some theories suggest that stress, lack of time and technology are all having an impact on our intimate lives. The growing usage of porn is influencing our expectations of sex and it is arguable that performance has become the focus rather than pleasure or fun. Perhaps sex is another area of our lives that we have to excel in and we are too exhausted or too fearful of recrimination to engage with it.

Another aspect is that much satisfaction is achieved via a screen and the trouble and trauma that might be involved in engaging another human can result in procrastination or avoidance. One half of a couple can go to bed and the other go online. They can argue that they are not causing their partner any bother, but the impact can be similar to an affair: betrayal, questioning of attractiveness and some level of deceit. Intimacy requires that we are honest with each other, face up to the issues underlying our relationships and that we like the other person enough to let them really know what is going on.

Many couples do not have sex, and loss of desire following the early initial sensual phases of a relationship can prove difficult to fix. They often hope that romance will return by itself at some future time, but this rarely happens as the couple becomes used to a pattern of a relationship with little or no intimacy. Mismatched desire is also a common feature and couples struggle with the consequences. One person may spend their time looking for opportunities for intimacy while the other tries to predict when this might be and avoids it. The result is often suffering, rejection and frustration. Individuals too can avoid engaging with sex as performance anxiety and overexposure in social media can be extremely off-putting.

The aim of sexual intimacy is not mutual orgasm (though this might, of course, be desirable) but to experience pleasure, connectedness and spontaneity. In established couples, this will require deliberateness and effort, and many couples will find it awkward and somewhat excruciating. We all know how difficult it is to change a habit such as taking up exercise or giving up chocolate; it takes motivation and self-discipline, but in the end we expect that we will be better off because of this effort. Sexual intimacy might need to follow the same track in that it will need to be scheduled; motivation will be needed to overcome the impasses and focus kept on the overall aim of a pattern of sensual connection.

Many failures If there is a porn issue, there may be many attempts at giving up; and many failures. The partner cannot be kept in the dark about this as secrecy and deceit are what keeps the couple separate and suffering. For both the porn user and the partner, this is a very difficult time as admitting to failure and feeling betrayed again and again are huge difficulties to overcome. Yet sticking by that person through the rough times might be the cornerstone of a relationship. If we want sex and intimacy for the long run, we need to have the courage to address what is happening now and not wait for some time when circumstances will be better.

All relationships involve taking a risk and being somewhat vulnerable, but this grows confidence and courage and so whatever our age or circumstances are, it might be a great developmental step to risk a relationship. Of course, the risk includes rejection and separation and yet if we can accept this as part of the process, we can get to share our lives with someone for whatever time it lasts. As Elizabeth Gilbert says in her book Committed: “To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow – this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.”

Trish Murphy’s new book, #Love – 21st Century Relationships (Mercier Press, €14.99), is out now

The Recent Tragedy in Cavan

September 5, 2016/in Articles, News /by adaly

The Recent Tragedy in Cavan

Sometimes it is hard to make sense of a senseless act. Some things are even harder to acknowledge.

As individuals, families and communities, we are all struggling to comprehend the recent events in Cavan. One thing that makes sense is that we need to talk. It may not always be easy, but we need to find ways to do so #weneedtotalk

We extend our condolences to the families, friends and community who have been affected by this awful tragedy.

Remember – Leaving Cert results do not determine the future

August 16, 2016/in Articles, News /by adaly

Not all students will get desired results but there are ways to lessen the feelings of failure

Anne McCormack Irish Times – Tuesday 11^th August 2015

Planning ahead and thinking about ways to cope with possible disappointment may be useful for results day.

Disappointment is an inevitable part of life. Everyone feels it at some point and it can be a difficult feeling for any person to bear. But disappointment has value, as all emotions do. Disappointment is of great value, as it bears witness to hope.

Many young people have high hopes on Leaving Cert results day. These hopes often relate to receiving enough points to access the third-level course of their choice. And some might feel disappointment.

While the prospect of planning for the possibility of disappointment may seem pessimistic, it is worth giving the possibility some thought.

It gives you the chance to become prepared psychologically, in case disappointment on Leaving Cert results day enters the frame.

Here are some ways to think about and deal with disappointment. By taking the time to reflect on these ideas, young people will be more prepared to handle this difficult emotion, and the disappointment will then be less likely to overwhelm.

Tuning in to thoughts as well as feelings

Disappointment can be intense. It can seem as if the event, the Leaving Cert results, is directly causing this unwanted feeling: I got this result, therefore I feel disappointment. It is important to know that it is the thoughts about the event, rather than just the event itself, that causes the feeling to arise. Therefore, I got this result and am now thinking this, is the cause of the feeling. By tuning into and by challenging these thoughts, young people can gain strength and influence over their emotional self and feel better.

Plan who to talk to for support

It can be useful for young people to think ahead and make a plan about who they will talk to if they are feeling disappointed.

If a young person’s peer group are all receiving results on the same day, it could be that a trusted friend may be largely unavailable to offer emotional support that particular day, if required. Someone at home, perhaps a parent, could be in a better position to really listen to how the young person is feeling.

For a parent to offer this support is useful. Then, by listening to the expression of disappointment, parents can check in with the young person about what they are thinking about. This provides an opportunity to steer their thinking away from negative thoughts which could damage their self-esteem.

Take a wider, longer-term view

There is always more than one way to get from A to B but on results day, it is hard to remember this as many young people have route A, their preferred first choice, very much in mind. No matter what career a young person has set their heart on, there is always the possibility of pursuing that goal, no matter what the exam results are.

It is important for parents to remind young people of this, ahead of results day as well as on the day itself, if they are feeling disappointed. It is also good to remind young people not to put pressure on themselves to figure out an alternative route straight away.

Taking a few days to process the emotions they are feeling is enough for the young person to deal with.

Celebrate effort more than results

There is a lot of emphasis placed on the points system and the number of points received. This can create the impression that results matter more than effort, but that is not necessarily the case.

In many areas of life, whether it is within relationships, within a workplace context or pursuing a life goal, effort matters a very great deal indeed.

Young people on results day may believe that results matter more than effort. But holding this belief does not make it a fact. It is vital for young people to be reminded of the validity and importance of effort. It is vital also that they be encouraged to celebrate effort, rather than just results.

Celebrating efforts made throughout the exam period and throughout the school life has much merit. Parents can take a lead by placing focus on and congratulating effort.

IQ versus EQ

The Leaving Cert does not take account of many an individual’s worthy qualities. Points are not awarded for kindness, a person’s level of honesty or a person’s social skills and yet these qualities matter a very great deal.

Research from Harvard Business School showed that emotional intelligence was twice as important as intellectual intelligence and technical skill when it came to determining who would be successful in life. In order for a person to become emotionally intelligent, a person must be able to experience empathy.

In order to experience empathy, a person must first be able to tune into and feel their own emotions deeply. There is an opportunity with disappointment to do just this; to feel deeply, to bear difficult emotion. And that can be a significant aspect of success.

Results day is significant, but it does not determine how the future will be. Young people may need to be reminded of that.

Anne Mc Cormack is a family therapist accredited to FTAI & ICP.

Not all students will get desired results but there are ways to lessen the feelings of failure

Anne McCormack Irish Times – Tuesday 11th August 2015

Planning ahead and thinking about ways to cope with possible disappointment may be useful for results day.

Disappointment is an inevitable part of life. Everyone feels it at some point and it can be a difficult feeling for any person to bear. But disappointment has value, as all emotions do. Disappointment is of great value, as it bears witness to hope.

Many young people have high hopes on Leaving Cert results day. These hopes often relate to receiving enough points to access the third-level course of their choice. And some might feel disappointment.

While the prospect of planning for the possibility of disappointment may seem pessimistic, it is worth giving the possibility some thought.

It gives you the chance to become prepared psychologically, in case disappointment on Leaving Cert results day enters the frame.

Here are some ways to think about and deal with disappointment. By taking the time to reflect on these ideas, young people will be more prepared to handle this difficult emotion, and the disappointment will then be less likely to overwhelm.
Tuning in to thoughts as well as feelings

Disappointment can be intense. It can seem as if the event, the Leaving Cert results, is directly causing this unwanted feeling: I got this result, therefore I feel disappointment. It is important to know that it is the thoughts about the event, rather than just the event itself, that causes the feeling to arise. Therefore, I got this result and am now thinking this, is the cause of the feeling. By tuning into and by challenging these thoughts, young people can gain strength and influence over their emotional self and feel better.
Plan who to talk to for support

It can be useful for young people to think ahead and make a plan about who they will talk to if they are feeling disappointed.

If a young person’s peer group are all receiving results on the same day, it could be that a trusted friend may be largely unavailable to offer emotional support that particular day, if required. Someone at home, perhaps a parent, could be in a better position to really listen to how the young person is feeling.

For a parent to offer this support is useful. Then, by listening to the expression of disappointment, parents can check in with the young person about what they are thinking about. This provides an opportunity to steer their thinking away from negative thoughts which could damage their self-esteem.

Take a wider, longer-term view

There is always more than one way to get from A to B but on results day, it is hard to remember this as many young people have route A, their preferred first choice, very much in mind. No matter what career a young person has set their heart on, there is always the possibility of pursuing that goal, no matter what the exam results are.

It is important for parents to remind young people of this, ahead of results day as well as on the day itself, if they are feeling disappointed. It is also good to remind young people not to put pressure on themselves to figure out an alternative route straight away.

Taking a few days to process the emotions they are feeling is enough for the young person to deal with.

Celebrate effort more than results

There is a lot of emphasis placed on the points system and the number of points received. This can create the impression that results matter more than effort, but that is not necessarily the case.

In many areas of life, whether it is within relationships, within a workplace context or pursuing a life goal, effort matters a very great deal indeed.

Young people on results day may believe that results matter more than effort. But holding this belief does not make it a fact. It is vital for young people to be reminded of the validity and importance of effort. It is vital also that they be encouraged to celebrate effort, rather than just results.

Celebrating efforts made throughout the exam period and throughout the school life has much merit. Parents can take a lead by placing focus on and congratulating effort.

IQ versus EQ

The Leaving Cert does not take account of many an individual’s worthy qualities. Points are not awarded for kindness, a person’s level of honesty or a person’s social skills and yet these qualities matter a very great deal.

Research from Harvard Business School showed that emotional intelligence was twice as important as intellectual intelligence and technical skill when it came to determining who would be successful in life. In order for a person to become emotionally intelligent, a person must be able to experience empathy.

In order to experience empathy, a person must first be able to tune into and feel their own emotions deeply. There is an opportunity with disappointment to do just this; to feel deeply, to bear difficult emotion. And that can be a significant aspect of success.

Results day is significant, but it does not determine how the future will be. Young people may need to be reminded of that.
Anne Mc Cormack is a family therapist accredited to FTAI & ICP.